College Road Trip

I took a trip once to visit a friend at Penn State.

Lots of goofy stuff happened there.

I was out one night in the college town, and all night I kept getting asked if I had any cocaine.  I never realized that I looked like a drug dealer or a cocaine user.

Then I almost got in a fight with a bunch of fraternity guys.  I was drunk and wanted another beer.  I went to get one, but I had to answer a question.  The question, "Who did I know to get into this party?".  Truly I did not know anyone.  I just name dropped to get in.  At this point, I was too drunk to remember who I was, let alone a name from hours earlier.

I of course smugly think I know the answer.  "Dooonnnnnn," I slur.

"Don who?" they ask.

"Don, the guy in charge of this place," I retort.

"You mean Dan, the President."

"Dan, Don, Dave...he's the president I don't give a fuck, just give me a beer," I shout back.

This is when my ass should have been kicked, but they just laughed and gave me the beer.  I hate fraternities.

Of course drunk, we crashed and fell asleep in my friend's dorm room, which of course is too small to fit four people, not counting his dorm mate.  We didn't have to worry about the dorm mate, as we basically threw him out.  He came back one night to find someone else sleeping in his bed, when he asked them to please get out of his bed, that person just said no and rolled back over to sleep.  The dorm mate just left.

Another drunken night there could have been spent playing drunk tennis with two drunk girls, but my plans were undone by my friends, who this day I think were morons.

We were walking back from a party and these two girls come up to us and ask if we want to play tennis.  I was like, "Hell yeah!"  First though, she needed to find her shoe, because she lost it.  I wanted to help this girl find her missing shoe and then play drunk tennis.

My friends, who must have been gay at the time, said no we should go back to the dorm.  I was like are you guys crazy.  Two chicks want to play tennis and you want to go back to the room.  From there I ran and they chased after me.  It was when my one friend, the sober one, threatened to knock me to the ground that I stopped running and went back with them.

Drunk tennis, what could have been?

--My Name is Matt