College Road Trip

I took a trip once to visit a friend at Penn State.

Lots of goofy stuff happened there.

I was out one night in the college town, and all night I kept getting asked if I had any cocaine.  I never realized that I looked like a drug dealer or a cocaine user.

Then I almost got in a fight with a bunch of fraternity guys.  I was drunk and wanted another beer.  I went to get one, but I had to answer a question.  The question, "Who did I know to get into this party?".  Truly I did not know anyone.  I just name dropped to get in.  At this point, I was too drunk to remember who I was, let alone a name from hours earlier.

I of course smugly think I know the answer.  "Dooonnnnnn," I slur.

"Don who?" they ask.

"Don, the guy in charge of this place," I retort.

"You mean Dan, the President."

"Dan, Don, Dave...he's the president I don't give a fuck, just give me a beer," I shout back.

This is when my ass should have been kicked, but they just laughed and gave me the beer.  I hate fraternities.

Of course drunk, we crashed and fell asleep in my friend's dorm room, which of course is too small to fit four people, not counting his dorm mate.  We didn't have to worry about the dorm mate, as we basically threw him out.  He came back one night to find someone else sleeping in his bed, when he asked them to please get out of his bed, that person just said no and rolled back over to sleep.  The dorm mate just left.

Another drunken night there could have been spent playing drunk tennis with two drunk girls, but my plans were undone by my friends, who this day I think were morons.

We were walking back from a party and these two girls come up to us and ask if we want to play tennis.  I was like, "Hell yeah!"  First though, she needed to find her shoe, because she lost it.  I wanted to help this girl find her missing shoe and then play drunk tennis.

My friends, who must have been gay at the time, said no we should go back to the dorm.  I was like are you guys crazy.  Two chicks want to play tennis and you want to go back to the room.  From there I ran and they chased after me.  It was when my one friend, the sober one, threatened to knock me to the ground that I stopped running and went back with them.

Drunk tennis, what could have been?

--My Name is Matt

Deciding to Re-Direct Traffic One Night

One night, Pappy, Murphy, and myself decided to go out and drink.


We also got drunk that night and decided we should do something about the cars and traffic problems in the neighborhood.


First we found a couch someone had thrown out and placed it in the middle of the street.  It was entertaining to watch cars having to drive around this new barrier in their lane.


However, there was a bigger problem we found.  Their was annoying construction on a boulevard that was causing too many headaches for drivers.  The west bound lanes were closed and the east bound lanes were split to go 1 east and 1 west.


There were also all these traffic cones and dividers all over the place.  We decided something needed to be done to help the plight of these people stuck in their cars.


We moved the cones and made the two lanes merge into one.  Merge into one lane with one coming from the west and one from the east.  It was interesting to watch two cars meet head to head and wonder what went wrong.


Well our careers as Traffic Agents was short lived, but I believe for one night New York City was in great hands.


--My Name is Matt

Legend of Captain Blood

I'm walking through the streets early one morning.  I was slightly stumbling, as I was still drunk from the night before.

As I'm walking, I watch as people are staring at me.  I'm thinking, "You've never seen a drunk person before."

This is New York City...you can't help but run into inebriated people Saturday night/Sunday morning.

I finally make it home and stumble to the bathroom and take a long needed piss.

As I wash my hands, I look into the mirror and see the sight that caused the million stares.

Staring back at me is a face covered in dry blood.  My forehead, cheeks, chin, basically my whole face is covered in blood.

My chin has two pieces of flesh having a conversation with each other as the cut is basically pulsing up and down and oozing more blood.

"What the fuck?!" is all I can think.

48 hours later,  I find out what happened.  I basically got so drunk, I actually blacked out, that I jumped head first into a shower.  My chin hit the wall first and busted the tiles on the wall.

It was this 48 hours later that I was never invited back to this house, as I basically was a monsoon that destroyed it.

So take some beer, a bottle of Jack, and a bottle of Absolut and you too can create the legend of Captain Blood.

--My Name is Matt

What I Did in the Name of Love

Let it be known that I don't need anyone here to tell me that I am nuts.


I am, it's true.  Or maybe you're nuts and I'm normal.  Who know?  Who cares?


People have done crazy shit in the name of love.  Started wars, etc...


One of the nuttiest things I ever did was what I call my homage to the film "Say Anything" and the Bob Dylan video "Subterranean Homesick Blues".


I was missing this girl, for this blog, we'll call her Venus Fly Trap.  Me and Venus Fly Trap had a very complicated relationship.  Maybe I'll tell you about some of it sometime.


Anyway, I had not seen her for a few days, and I wanted to see her.  So I drove by her house at midnight, and stood out her window with signs saying, 'Hello', 'I Miss You', 'Be With Me', etc...


It was straight out of a film, but that's what my life is like at times.  I think she loved it.  It was crazy, but I think that attracted her.  Someone doing some off the rocker thing to show he cared.


I think maybe sometimes we need to let go and do what we feel is right, within boundaries of course.


--My Name is Matt

An Introduction

What follows is a blog where all the names have been changed and situations have been made fuzzy as to protect everybody who may or may not be involved.  In other words, everything contained here is all truth and all lies.  Nobody wants a lawsuit.

Hello.

My name is, well my name here, Matthew.  No this is not my real name.  In fact, I am not even writing this.

This blog is being ghost written and hosted by a gentleman named David, yes that's his real name.

The reason for my name change and everything stated in the opening is that I am protecting people who may know someone that could come across this.

Basically, I am going through some crazy things in my life right now, and I needed an outlet to release it.  I met David some time ago and recently caught up with him again and we were discussing the past, present, and future.

Now I cannot write for shit and I'm too lazy.  But as Dave was listening to me go on and on with this crazy stuff of mine, he said it would make a great story.  I told him, "Nobody wants to hear about me."

With that he said, "Well maybe you would feel better if you wrote it out in a journal."

I said, "What am I a 12 year old girl?!"

After a few more beers and such, I agreed to let him ghost write this thing on the internet.  I don't even know what a blog is (I don't think Dave does either).  I don't Facebook, Myspace (if that still exists), and don't ask me what my email is.

Occasionally, Dave is going to post some random stuff of mine, stories and shit.

He said it would be cathartic, I said, "I need a fuckin' dictionary to know what that means."

I also told him, if he writes that book, I'd sue his ass!

--My Name is Matt